Adam

Adam was given my phone number at the dating agency (the one who also let the pervert and the married guy contact me – what a crap agency that was! - only now I realize that), although I have already cancelled my membership and shouldn't be in their database any longer.

He sends me a text message: “Hello, my name is Adam, I got your number at the agency and would like to meet you. I am 32 and single”. Hmmm, he's a bit young (I am 6 years older), but why not? However, I would like to find out something more about him first so I text him back: “Why not? But tell me something more about yourself, please. What do you do? What are your hobbies?”

He writes back: “I work as an IT manager, I love cooking and going to the cinema. I also love good music.” That's what I like, too so I text him back: “It looks like we've got the same hobbies.”

His answer: “Great. When can I meet you then?” I write back: “How about this weekend?”; he replies: “Fantastic. Saturday?”

It's only Monday now, so I text him back: “Perfect. Please, call me on Thursday so we'll talk about the details, OK? Have a nice day. Jenny” He texts me back: “OK, I will. I look forward to meeting you”.

Everything seems to be OK, I am also looking forward to meeting him, but an hour later I get another text from him: “Hi. What are you doing?”, so I reply: “I'm getting ready for classes, I teach English”, he texts me back: “All right, but can we chat now?”, I answer: “Not really, I am sorry, but I really need to prepare for these classes & I have to leave in half an hour.” He texts me back: “All right, I won't bother you then, have a nice day at work”. I write back: “Thank you, you too”.

I leave for my classes, when I'm at school I mute my mobile phone (I never switch it off in case someone has to contact me with something really important – that's what we've got mobile phones for – to be 'reachable', right?). Anyway, just when I'm about to start my first lesson, I receive a message, but I don't know the sender, so I don't open it (can't be that important). However, half an hour later I get another text message. During the break I read both messages, they're from Adam! The first one says: “I hope you are having a nice day”, the second one: “Let me know when I can text you.” But he just did! Although I did inform him I wouldn't be able to chat, he is still sending me messages! I'm starting to think the idea of a date with Adam is a mistake. I don't write back. On my way back from work I get another message: “Hi. How was your day?” I am a bit reluctant to write back but I reply to it: “It was all right, thank you. I am really busy now so can't talk. Please, call me on Thursday.”

He doesn't answer and I start to think that maybe I was a bit judgemental and maybe he really is a nice guy, only slightly bored at work? However, the next day, at about 10:00 I get a text message from Adam: “Hi. How are you? Did you dream of me last night ;-)? I was hoping to get a message from you this morning, but you didn't send me any.”

What??? First of all, why should I dream of him? Secondly, why should I text him? I write back: “Sorry, but I don't text guys I don't really know first thing in the morning, I'm not the type”; he writes back: “Not even a 'good morning, how are you?' type of message?”

Would I want to text a guy I haven't seen, haven't met and I don't even know if I like him – first thing in the morning? I don't think so. I don't even feel like replying but half an hour later he sends me yet another message: “But maybe you will find time to text me during the day? Something nice?” I don't think so. I haven't stored his phone number yet, but now I do it under the name: “don't answer”. I sooo don't want to meet him. The jerk needs a nanny, not a girlfriend! I text him: “I am really sorry, but I don't think our date is such a good idea. I don't think we are compatible. Please, do not text me again.”

Do you think he listens? The messages don't stop coming. They're all the same type – he wants to 'chat' and meet me, but it's not going to happen. Finally, after a few weeks, he gives up and stops texting me. Maybe he's found another 'victim'? I don't care, I'm just happy I am not disturbed by his endless messages (some were sent in the middle of the night). The guy does have a problem!

Benjamin Button? :-)

Owen is my age. He finds me on a dating site and e-mails me: “Good morning, Madam. You've got a very interesting and precise description of your personality; as far as your requirements towards your partner's personality are concerned, you are also very precise :-) I think I have such qualities, I am also a hunter so you wouldn't get lost in the woods with me... :-) Forgive me for being so bold, but I do not know the internet etiquette. Owen. Here is a flower for you (he encloses a virtual flower)”

Hmm, he's... weird! For a moment I feel like I'm in the 19th century – the way he writes... I don't know if he's joking or not. I'm also not sure whether it's me he wanted to write to – the description I wrote: “helpless romantic, loves good music, films & travelling” can hardly be called 'precise description of personality'. However, my requirements about my partner were more precise, I must admit: “I'm looking for a real man. Qualities required: loving, respectful, honest, intelligent and kind with a good sense of humour. I'm allergic to liars, cheaters and married guys”. I didn't write I had a soft spot for hunters. In fact, I don't like them. I love animals and I look after them. I cannot imagine even being friends with someone who hunts and kills them for sport (all the talks about 'controlling the population blah blah blah' are just an excuse in my opinion). I've read his message, but I don't want to write back.

Two days later I get another e-mail from Owen: “Good morning, Madam. Please, excuse me for writing to you and littering your mail; however, in my last message I have allowed myself to suggest engaging in 'written' conversation in order to get to know you better. If this seems too daring and immoral, forgive me for doing so, but I would like to know your opinion. Owen. Here is a flower for you (he sends me another virtual flower)”

What is THAT? The guy seems even weirder now, doesn't he? I can't believe he's my age! It feels like he's not 38, but 138 years old! Another thing – NO answer is THE answer, doesn't he know that? Does he really expect every girl he contacts to write back to him? Even if she's not interested? Oh, I've forgotten – he didn't place a photo in his profile, so I don't even know what he looks like – I'm curious whether his appearance matches his style of writing...

OK, if he wants an answer, I'll give him an answer: “Thank you for your message. It was neither too daring nor immoral. However, to be frank with you – you are not my type (we have no common interests). That is why I haven't replied to your earlier e-mail. I wish you good luck with dating. Jennifer”

Short and precise? Yes! Do I need to write about hunting, being too old-fashioned and weird? No!

Next day I get another message from him: “Thank you, Madam, for your honesty. You have a very interesting skill... So little information... Can you also predict movements on the stock exchange? :-) If you can, please give me some tips :-) Owen. Have a nice day”

What an asshole! No, I cannot predict movements on the stock exchange, but I can 'predict' whether I want to be in someone's company or not! I guess I should have written about hunting etc. The guy obviously doesn't get it! Oh well, I'll let another girl explain what we expect from quality guys.

a rude bastard

Matt finds me on a dating site and sends me a message: “Hi! You look beautiful and I really fancy you. I would love to get to know you better – if that's possible. Regards. Matt” He also sends me a dozen virtual kisses. I think it's a bit cheap, but at least he sounds genuine, so it doesn't matter. I check Matt's profile. He's tall, 40 years old, divorced, owns a company (so far – not bad). Then I look at his photos, there are a lot of them. Matt likes travelling, so there are photos from different European cities. But in none of them does Matt look smart – in most of them he's wearing a tracksuit (even when sightseeing), in one or two – a pair of jeans. But that's not what puts me off. I cannot see his smile – in all of the photos he looks grumpy, almost pissed off! That's what I don't like. A guy doesn't have to grin in all the pictures (then he would look like an idiot), but he does have to look friendly. Unfortunately, Matt doesn't. So I write back: “Thank you very much for the compliment. However, I wouldn't like to waste your time and give you false hope because you are not my type. Regards. Jenny”

Now – prepare for his answer: “A fucking beauty!!!!!!! You're only good for a blow job! Go and fuck yourself!”

What a rude bastard!!! Well, my intuition was right - Matt is not only unfriendly, he's also extremely rude. I write back: “I would like to inform you that I have forwarded your e-mail to the administrator of the site. You have no reason and no right to be rude to anyone. I think everyone using this site should have a bit of good manners. PS. Good luck with finding a partner here – with your attitude you will definitely need it.” I want to send it, but I cannot, it turns out Matt has blocked me. I guess he is rejected by women quite often (I wonder why) and he must be getting a lot of appropriate responses to his rude e-mails, so now the only way he knows how to deal with rejection is to write a rude message, block the girl and move on.

PS. I do forward his e-mail to the administrator, a day later I get a reply he has been sent a warning. I'm glad.

another prick...

I am standing in the queue. I take a step forward to see if another cash desk is open - it isn't so I take a step back, but... suddenly there is a guy standing next to me, he puts his stuff on the desk, when I tell him: "Excuse me, but I think I was in front of you", and he goes: "I thought you were leaving", I reply: "Well, I've got things I haven't paid for, so I can't leave, can I?". His answer: "I don't care". Now, what would you answer to that? "Here comes another prick?" I'm pretty sure he knows that and... he doesn't care...

virtual junk

I get annoyed when I get virtual presents only, without any message: a smile, a flower, a wink or a kiss. Why the hell can't a guy even come up with ONE, lousy sentence? Being shy is not an excuse! He's not on a date with me, I won't bite him. It might take him an hour (or even half a day) to write one tiny message, but I won't know it, I will only see the result – a message, not a bloody kiss.

Guys, please, show us that you care! A teenager might be thrilled when she gets virtual... nothing from a pretty boy, but a woman expects something real, she wants to see she's dealing with a walking, breathing and thinking guy, not a virtual presents factory. Every time I get just such a present I can't help thinking a bloke who has sent is sitting at home or at work, sending them to every woman he finds on the net – hoping to 'catch' one.

As I am getting virtual 'nothing' every single day I am finally sick and tired of this so I write a note in my description: “I'm sorry, but I don't reply to winks, smiles, flowers or kisses.” Unfortunately, it doesn't help much. I still get winks etc. but at least now I don't feel guilty when I ignore them.

Now, from time to time I even get messages (together with the 'gifts'): “Here is a kiss for you”; “I know you don't answer to winks, but maybe you'll answer to mine?” Why should I?

“I am sorry” Sorry for what? Sending me crap? Don't do it then!

“Why don't you answer to winks?” What can I say? Would you bother with someone who doesn't even read the description of your profile? And if he does, he ignores it completely; and most importantly – he can't write ONE, intelligent line and send it to me? Sorry, life's too short.

What is wrong with guys? Why the only thing so many men aged between 35-50 can send is a smile or some other virtual junk?

'found by accident'?

 I love when guys write: “Hello. I have found your profile by accident” What accident? Did some virus in your computer find my profile and make you e-mail me? Or were you rather bored at work (home) so you started browsing through profiles?

Guys, please, don't start your messages with: 'I have found your profile by accident'! It's not very flattering to a woman, it sounds as if you have nothing better to do so you might as well write to her a short message. Imagine if you were in a bar (club) and an attractive woman approached you, saying: “I was going to talk to that gorgeous guy over there, but since you are closer (I've found you by accident) I might as well talk to you” Would you be thrilled by that? Or would you turn around and walk away, saying “Sorry, my girlfriend's waiting outside” :-)

guys & photos

I've noticed that there are 3 categories of guys as far as photos are concerned:

1.Guys who don't put photos in their profiles

Why? Are they so ugly they don't want us to know what they look like before we fall madly in love with their charm, wit and wisdom? Or is it the other way round? They're so handsome they don't want us to know that, they don't want us to love them simply for their looks? Or maybe they think the appearance does not matter? Why do they e-mail specific women then? Why don't they e-mail all the women on a particular dating site?
2.Guys who put photos in which they simply look ugly or send the wrong signal!
Guys, a passport photo does not make you look good! A photo in which you're wearing a tracksuit, trainers and an old, dirty T-shirt does not make you look good! A photo in which you're wearing only a pair of jeans, showing off your bare chest, trying to make us think you've been working out all your life, but showing off your hairy beer belly and weak shoulders instead does not make you look good! Even if you have a six-pack and no hairy chest, such photos look cheesy! Also, a photo in which you want to look serious and reliable (no smile, serious face) will most often make you look arrogant and pissed off! Do women want to have anything to do with cocky bastards? NO! And don't put photos, where you're standing next to a woman (especially an attractive one!). It doesn't matter if it's your sister, daughter or even... you hot mum! You're looking for a girlfriend, right? Not for a threesome?
Maybe it does sound like preaching, but I am sick and tired of looking at your ridiculous photos!
3.Guys who put photos in which they look natural – holiday photos, photos from their work, family gatherings etc. Some photos can be taken especially for us, women (we can see you were posing), but you still look nice and friendly.
Unfortunately, guys with these photos are hard to find on dating sites. Most often I get to deal with category 1 & 2.

a dodgy dating site?

One day I log into my account and I see 17 new e-mails. I haven't visited the site for a week, so there is nothing suspicious about it, but I start to have doubts after reading a few of the messages. Some of them seem genuine: “How are you?”, “Hi, what's your name?”, “I like your smile, can we get to know each other better?” etc. There are also a few longer and nicer ones. A 42-year-old Adam from New York (smart, handsome) writes: “I see you haven't logged in in a while. I was wondering if you found someone? Or were still looking? Are you interested in having kids at all, since you don't have any? Thanks. Adam” Hmm, I think I'm gonna reply to this e-mail. I am also going to write back to Eduardo, a 41-year-old bloke from South America. I like his message, though it sounds a bit weird: “Well, I love blondes but what caught my attention is your incredible smile (let me add that you are really beautiful so I feel honoured by receiving your short note). Do you like my profile? I think you are cute, I read your profile twice and so many things come to my mind: if you like hot and sunny places... perfect! Have you been to the Caribbean? (unfortunately – no) Consider me a new good friend here. Just to start; you will enjoy it; I'll take care of it. I believe the world is getting smaller every day so we are not so far from each other. Hope to hear from you soon. Eduardo”

The problem is I have never sent him a note!

There are more strange e-mails. A 37-year-old hunk from Dubai writes: “Nice to meet you. How are you? Sure sweety! What you have in mind?” What do I have in mind? I've never e-mailed him!

A 32-year-old guy (blue eyes & a gorgeous smile) from Poland says: “I am not aware of that, but it doesn't matter whether you're a blonde, a brunette or a red head. Regards. James” What the hell's going on???

A 38-year-old New Yorker writes: “LOL, Well, yes. I am one of them. Good to meet you. Tim” One of who???

Ben from Canada (43, dark hair, tall, handsome) says: “Of course we do ;-) My name is Ben. Nice to meet you”. Of course we do what??? Is it some kind of a riddle?

I get 2 messages from British blokes. One is very short (and mysterious): “For sure!” Another one is a bit longer. A 32-year-old Ethan (blond hair, blue eyes, really cute) writes: “Hello :-) Welcome. What a great smile! Thanks for your e-mail. Hope we'll talk again soon. Ethan” Talk again? I've never sent him any messages!

I look at the subjects of these messages and I can see most of them say: RE: Do gentlemen...?

Ahhh, I finally get it! In January I wrote a message to one guy with the subject: Do gentlemen prefer blondes? It looks like most of the e-mails I have received recently were replies to that message. The only problem is I have not sent any e-mails to any of these guys! The guys seem nice, genuine, most definitely real. It's just a shame they replied to an e-mail I did not sent. On the other hand – does it matter?

a fan?

Half a year ago I met a guy (he found me on AYI). Then he sent me a FB request, I accepted it. I really liked him - he was slightly older than me, handsome, with a good job, lived in London. We started e-mailing each other. Then, one day, I got a message from him: "Sorry for the delay in responding... Just written a long e-mail and seem to have lost it! What is your e-mail address? It may be easier to e-mail."
I gave it to him and... nothing happened. Haven't heard from him since!
Now, a day after I published my book and posted the message on my Wall, I... get a message from him: "Hello young lady... How are the summer holidays going... Any plans to come to London?"
A pure coincidence or a new fan? :-)

'Antonio Banderas'

I had been on only one blind date that wasn't arranged by anyone. That was quite funny, actually. I was stupid enough to place an ad in an London magazine. That was over ten years ago. I didn't leave my photo or a telephone number, just an e-mail address I've created especially for this ad. I got quite a few replies in the next couple of days and I decided to meet one of the guys: 'A tall, handsome, 28-year old Spanish, Antonio Banderas lookalike' (his description). I decided to meet him in the middle of the day, in the high street, in front of a shop. I went there early to look for an escape route (just in case). There was already one guy there, walking up and down, in front of the shop, but it couldn't have been him – I thought. The guy was about 45-50, short, with dark hair and a ponytail. I stood in front of the shop and he approached me at once. “Hi. Are you Jenny?” I looked at him with panic: “Sorry, I'm not. You must be looking for someone else.” Then I went into a phone booth next to the shop, pretending to call someone. When I left the booth I quickly walked away, thinking to myself: NO MORE BLIND DATES! The only resemblance between the guy and Antonio Banderas was... a ponytail! :-)

Mario

I get a wink from a guy who lives in London and is 2 years younger than me. I check his profile and because I like it, I send him a short message: “Just a wink? :-) That's all you're capable of? ;-) PS. I like your profile! Have a nice day. Jennifer” I get a response the same day: “Hi Jennifer, in fact I am quite capable of a lot more than just a wink... After I get a little feedback from someone I wink to. If you wink back to reply, then I try to establish a little more communication. Nobody gives much, everyone always wants to receive without realizing that if you don't give you don't receive... Thanks for the nice comment on my profile. So tell me, what turns you on in life? Do you travel frequently? What would you like to know about me? Take care. Mario”

Well, NOW there is nothing I would like to know about him. I need someone with a sense of humour, not someone who will lecture me. Besides, that part about giving and receiving – it is about him! He sends a lousy wink and demands long, meaningful e-mails in return? Look in the mirror, pal before you start making hasty judgements about other people!

Matt

Matt finds me on a dating site and sends me a message: “Hi! You look beautiful and I really fancy you. I would love to get to know you better – if that's possible. Regards. Matt” He also sends me a dozen virtual kisses. I think it's a bit cheap, but at least he sounds genuine, so it doesn't matter. I check Matt's profile. He's tall, 40 years old, divorced, owns a company (so far – not bad). Then I look at his photos, there are a lot of them. Matt likes travelling, so there are photos from different European cities. But in none of them does Matt look smart – in most of them he's wearing a tracksuit (even when sightseeing), in one or two – a pair of jeans. But that's not what puts me off. I cannot see his smile – in all of the photos he looks grumpy, almost pissed off! That's what I don't like. A guy doesn't have to grin in all the pictures (then he would look like an idiot), but he does have to look friendly. Unfortunately, Matt doesn't. So I write back: “Thank you very much for the compliment. However, I wouldn't like to waste your time and give you false hope because you are not my type. Regards. Jenny”

Now – prepare for his answer: “A fucking beauty!!!!!!! You're only good for a blow job! Go and fuck yourself!”

What a rude bastard!!! Well, my intuition was right - Matt is not only unfriendly, he's also extremely rude. I write back: “I would like to inform you that I have forwarded your e-mail to the administrator of the site. You have no reason and no right to be rude to anyone. I think everyone using this site should have a bit of good manners. PS. Good luck with finding a partner here – with your attitude you will definitely need it.” I want to send it, but I cannot, it turns out Matt has blocked me. I guess he is rejected by women quite often (I wonder why) and he must be getting a lot of appropriate responses to his rude e-mails, so now the only way he knows how to deal with rejection is to write a rude message, block the girl and move on.

PS. I do forward his e-mail to the administrator, a day later I get a reply he has been sent a warning. I'm glad.

Rob

On one of the social networking sites I get a message from a guy from high school. He's my age, tall, dark hair, brown eyes, a doctor. He sends me two virtual presents – a bunch of red roses and a heart. Together with the presents I get a message: “So nice to see you after all these years. Rob”

I am pleasantly surprised, though I have to admit I don't remember him at all. So I write to him: “Thank you, that's very nice of you, but to be honest, I don't remember you.”

He writes back: “That's all right. I REMEMBER YOU and you haven't changed! You're still as attractive as you were at high school.”

Well, I wasn't attractive when I was a teenager, but maybe he did fancy me then. He is nice, polite, in the next message he sends me his mobile telephone number with the text: “If you ever feel like going our for a drink or talking, please, call me.” Well, that's a tempting suggestion, but I am curious why he never approached me when we were at high school (if he really fancied me), so I write: “Thank you, I will think about it ;-) PS. I just want to ask you – if you liked me when we were both at high school, why did you never say hello or ask me to dance at a school disco? Sorry, I'm just curious :-)”

Guess what? He never wrote back!

Alex...

I get an e-mail from a guy who has found me on an international dating site. Alex is 50 (a bit old for me, but he looks younger in photos), quite good-looking, he lives in the States. His description: “I am looking for a wife! No games, please!!!”

In his e-mail he asks me: “Can we talk?? Meet? Can you travel? Alex”

I reply after 2 or 3 days: “Yes, I can travel & I love travelling. And I guess, so do you ;) Have you been to Europe yet?” His answer (the same day): “Very busy right now with my bussines-s (his spelling), Can you come to America??? Either Texas or California? Your smile is very pretty, would love to know more. My email is:…@... You can look me up on Facebook and ask me to be your friend. I will except. OK.”

I check his profile on FB. He has over 50 friends: all of them beautiful, young looking women; NOT a single guy! What is going on? Is that Alex's 'portfolio' of girlfriend materials? Do I want to be his ‘friend’? I don’t think so! I write back: “Sorry, I'm not interested...”

Guess what? The next day I get another e-mail from Alex: “No, I have been to South America and Canada and that’s about it. Can we talk via cellphone? I have free calls. And can you come to the United States? We make a very happy looking couple. Alex”

I get the feeling he didn’t realize he had already sent me a message (and I had replied to it). I scroll down and I’m right. It’s a reply to my previous e-mail (about travelling). Shall I give him my mobile number? What would I talk about with a ‘collector’? We don’t have much in common; I collect nice memories, he collects girls…

After a day or two I get 2 new messages from Alex! The first one says: “Hi, how are you? BTW, why are you not interested? What happened? All the women on the Facebook are just for fun. Nothing serious. I am not a player. Alex” Oh, so he DOES realize the impression his Facebook profile gives women. The second one says: “Why don't you want to be friends? Alex” I am not even going to reply...

the book...

Feeling fed up and disappointed with the guys I've met recently, I've decided to write about it... And that's how "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEN?!" was created! Now I am so happy to tell you that my book has just been published! :-)
"What's Wrong with Men?!" tells a true story of a woman, looking for love and a genuine guy, but finding total pricks instead... The book  is universal, contemporary and interesting.
You can read parts of the book here, comment on them, but most importantly - share YOUR stories...