What's wrong?

According to American sociologists, when women look for a partner, they usually make four major mistakes:
1.They are waiting for Prince Charming
2.They hide in a high tower
3.They assume their personality is the most important (so they don't pay attention to their looks)
4.They try to imitate their partner's mother

Well, I don't make theses mistakes:
I am not waiting for Prince Charming (by 'Prince Charming' I mean the guy who is suitable for me – who completes me), I am well aware of the fact that nobody's perfect and each relationship requires some give and take.
I don't hide – I am not too proud or arrogant so there is no reason men should be afraid of me.
I know my personality is as important as my looks – as far as men are concerned; at the same time I don't want them to see in photos someone artificial so I don't put photos taken by a professional photographer (like in a model's portfolio). What's the point? Do you think the guy who hasn't seen a single genuine photo of you would really like to be with YOU, and not the model he's seen?
I never imitate anyone and I can't imagine acting like my partner's mother (being over protective, checking up on him etc.) – after all, I want to be his partner, not a mother!

Yet, I still can't find my soul mate and I know that some men are afraid of me. What's wrong with a smart, confident woman who knows what she wants?

What do you think?

I have noticed that single women are often treated with suspicion. Why? We're not monsters, we are just women who are not as lucky in love as some people, and we don't want to settle for second-best. That's all. I think we should be appreciated for being brave enough to be single instead of marrying the first guy that comes our way! Don't you think?

Peter

I met Peter when I was at university. We were in the same group. He was a few years younger than me, but he looked older. Tall, well built, very serious. I know he fancied me because he kept staring at me all the time, but he never made a move. He wasn't really my type (mainly because he was too serious); besides, I was involved with someone else at the time. Then we finished university, got a diploma and everybody went their separate ways. A few years have passed.

And now, one day, while I am looking for a former colleague of mine, I find Peter on a social networking site. I am happy to find an old acquaintance so I send him a friend request. He accepts it. I look through his photos – he looks much better now – more confident, happier, more relaxed. He's still not my type, but I think we can be friends. I send him a short e-mail: “Hello, I'm glad to find you here. How are you? What have you been up to? Regards. Jenny”

He writes back: “Hi. It's nice to hear from you. I'm fine, thank you. I work as a spokesperson now. Do you keep in touch with people from university? Have a nice day. Peter”

I do keep in touch with some of them, so I e-mail him and tell him who I am in contact with, how they are etc. Then I ask him if he keeps in touch with any of our friends from university and... he never writes back!

Tim

Tim is 36 and lives in my city. That's all I know. He didn't put a photo in his profile, but he sent me a nice message; he also wanted to meet me in the next couple of weeks. I decided to give him a chance and get to know him better. I reply to his e-mail but ask him to e-mail me his photo. He writes back: “Thanks for writing back but I can only send you my photo to your mobile phone because I don't have any photos in my computer. What do you think? Will you give me your mobile number?”

Normally, I would give a nice, genuine guy my number (once I got to know him a bit better), but this message just seems weird and not genuine. The guy uses the computer to e-mail me so he clearly knows how to use it. Now, even if he really doesn't have any photos in his computer, is there a problem with sending some from his mobile to his computer (USB, bluetooth etc.)? In the 21st century? I don't think so. So he's either a total computer moron or he thinks I'm a total moron and will fall for his lie. I write back: “I am sorry but I would rather receive a photo to my e-mail address. I don't give my mobile number to people I don't know at all. I once did that and ended up getting endless text messages in the middle of the night. I hope you're OK with that.”

His reply: “I am really sorry but I don't have any photos in my computer. On the other hand, I totally understand you. Nevertheless, I hope we'll be able to meet. Regards. Tim”

Firstly, shall I give him instructions how to connect a mobile phone to a computer? Secondly, would I want to meet someone I have no clue what they look like? Another blind date? I still remember 'Antonio Banderas lookalike', so I'll take a pass on that.

Next day I get another e-mail from Tim: “Hi. Just because some creepy guy was stalking you does not mean that I will. I suggest we meet in person. What day would suit you? Regards. Tim”

Well, I wasn't worried about stalking... until now. I think the best way would be to ignore Tim, but the following day he sends me yet another message: “WHAT ABOUT OUR DATE?”

This time I politely write back: “I am sorry but I have just started going out with someone so a date would not be a good idea now. I wish you good luck and all the best. Jenny”

I didn't meet anyone but I thought that would shut him up. It doesn't. He sends me another e-mail: “SO WHAT? WE CAN STILL MEET, TALK AND HAVE A COFFEE, DON'T WE? HOW ABOUT MONDAY? TELL ME WHERE AND WHEN. HAVE A NICE EVENING”

Well, unfortunately it won't be that nice, because now I will be thinking about some arrogant bloke without a face... I keep on ignoring him and after a few days (and 1 or 2 messages I didn't dare to open) he finally gets the message and stops sending me e-mails and visiting my profile.

A scam?

I have found an article on the internet about one of the sites I had signed up with. The author of the article claimed that the site was a scam. So I decided to read it. Then I started reading the comments underneath it. And... I could not believe my eyes! Most of the comments were from women, complaining that the guys they had met there disappointed them. I wasn't surprised with that – most of the guys we meet disappoint us, but I was surprised with the excuses women used. Had I read that article a few months ago, I would have probably agreed with most of the complaints, but now I'm wiser, more experienced, I know what guys do and I know how they act towards women.

Why was I surprised with these girls' excuses? Well, here are a few examples:

1. A woman got a one-liner from a guy, which she considered to be the most ridiculous comment she had ever heard of. So what did she do? She sent him a response telling him that the comment seemed a bit off the wall. And she was surprised she never heard back from him, though it was him who had contacted her first and apparently felt she was a good match for him.

Come on! How can you be surprised? Have you ever met a guy who likes to be criticized? Of course you will never hear back from him, even if you look like Angelina Jolie!

2. Some women complained that they found fake profiles on the site.

Well, unfortunately there are fake profiles on EVERY dating site. It is impossible for every single profile to be checked by the administrators of the site. Besides, how would they do that? As a member, you can write anything you want – that you are a filthy rich CEO, looking for the love of your life etc., when in fact you can be an unemployed, married guy with kids and a midlife crisis. (Quite often if a guy is really rich he won't post that information in his profile; however, if a man has financial problems, he might be bragging about his 'wealth', hoping to find an 'equal' partner). As a member, you can put a photo of your choice to your profile, right? If you are honest, you will put your own photo. However, if you are a very insecure and dishonest person, you will put a photo of some model, actor or just a good-looking person you have found on the net, claiming it to be yours. Who can verify that? Administrators will only check whether the photos are tasteful and not offensive.

3. Another girl claimed that the site was fake because she received an e-mail from a gorgeous guy but could not read it because she hadn't paid the membership fee.

Well, who would pay for the membership if you could read and reply to e-mails without joining the site? The site would go bankrupt.

4. A few female members complained that they didn't get replies from guys who wrote to them and they wrote back to. They claimed that the guys didn't even open their e-mails. One was also puzzled and confused that guys viewed her profile only once.

Well, how many times should a guy check a woman's profile before he writes to her? I think once is enough, twice – if a guy doesn't have a good memory or cannot decide whether he likes her or not. As to getting no replies – men lose interest, they get bored, find someone else or they are just assholes. What can you do? How many frogs do you have to kiss before one changes into the real prince? One is the answer in fairy tales only. Yes, IT IS irritating when you get an e-mail from a bloke you like, you reply to it and then... you get no answer (I used to be really pissed off when it happened to me, but then I thought to myself – well, it's his loss. That's what you should do, too! You deserve someone who will think the world of you, not treat you like second-best.)! You start to think: “What have I done wrong?” The answer is: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Some men are like that. They will send dozens of e-mails to different women just to get their attention (I call them 'sad losers' group), then won't answer when they get replies. Some men will e-mail a few women and after getting the reply they will decide which one/ones they would like to get to know better.

Ravi

Another story about 'an old friend'. This time I get a message on my Facebook profile: “Hi, remember me?”

Actually, I don't. I look at the guy's photo, but his face doesn't ring a bell. Oh well, maybe we used to work together for brief time or we met at a party? I reply: “Hi. Sorry, but not really. Maybe I have a very short memory?” He answers: “It's OK, Jenny, it happens. Busy world”

I start to think I have actually never met him so I write: “So, refresh my memory: Did we use to work together in London?” Read his reply: “Even I don't remember the time, but yes we met there” Now I'm sure I have never seen him in my life! I'm not going to write back because he has annoyed me. If he wants to be friends, why doesn't he just say so? Instead, he is trying to convince me I am suffering from some serious memory loss. Does he think I'm a complete idiot?!

Adam

Adam was given my phone number at the dating agency (the one who also let the pervert and the married guy contact me – what a crap agency that was! - only now I realize that), although I have already cancelled my membership and shouldn't be in their database any longer.

He sends me a text message: “Hello, my name is Adam, I got your number at the agency and would like to meet you. I am 32 and single”. Hmmm, he's a bit young (I am 6 years older), but why not? However, I would like to find out something more about him first so I text him back: “Why not? But tell me something more about yourself, please. What do you do? What are your hobbies?”

He writes back: “I work as an IT manager, I love cooking and going to the cinema. I also love good music.” That's what I like, too so I text him back: “It looks like we've got the same hobbies.”

His answer: “Great. When can I meet you then?” I write back: “How about this weekend?”; he replies: “Fantastic. Saturday?”

It's only Monday now, so I text him back: “Perfect. Please, call me on Thursday so we'll talk about the details, OK? Have a nice day. Jenny” He texts me back: “OK, I will. I look forward to meeting you”.

Everything seems to be OK, I am also looking forward to meeting him, but an hour later I get another text from him: “Hi. What are you doing?”, so I reply: “I'm getting ready for classes, I teach English”, he texts me back: “All right, but can we chat now?”, I answer: “Not really, I am sorry, but I really need to prepare for these classes & I have to leave in half an hour.” He texts me back: “All right, I won't bother you then, have a nice day at work”. I write back: “Thank you, you too”.

I leave for my classes, when I'm at school I mute my mobile phone (I never switch it off in case someone has to contact me with something really important – that's what we've got mobile phones for – to be 'reachable', right?). Anyway, just when I'm about to start my first lesson, I receive a message, but I don't know the sender, so I don't open it (can't be that important). However, half an hour later I get another text message. During the break I read both messages, they're from Adam! The first one says: “I hope you are having a nice day”, the second one: “Let me know when I can text you.” But he just did! Although I did inform him I wouldn't be able to chat, he is still sending me messages! I'm starting to think the idea of a date with Adam is a mistake. I don't write back. On my way back from work I get another message: “Hi. How was your day?” I am a bit reluctant to write back but I reply to it: “It was all right, thank you. I am really busy now so can't talk. Please, call me on Thursday.”

He doesn't answer and I start to think that maybe I was a bit judgemental and maybe he really is a nice guy, only slightly bored at work? However, the next day, at about 10:00 I get a text message from Adam: “Hi. How are you? Did you dream of me last night ;-)? I was hoping to get a message from you this morning, but you didn't send me any.”

What??? First of all, why should I dream of him? Secondly, why should I text him? I write back: “Sorry, but I don't text guys I don't really know first thing in the morning, I'm not the type”; he writes back: “Not even a 'good morning, how are you?' type of message?”

Would I want to text a guy I haven't seen, haven't met and I don't even know if I like him – first thing in the morning? I don't think so. I don't even feel like replying but half an hour later he sends me yet another message: “But maybe you will find time to text me during the day? Something nice?” I don't think so. I haven't stored his phone number yet, but now I do it under the name: “don't answer”. I sooo don't want to meet him. The jerk needs a nanny, not a girlfriend! I text him: “I am really sorry, but I don't think our date is such a good idea. I don't think we are compatible. Please, do not text me again.”

Do you think he listens? The messages don't stop coming. They're all the same type – he wants to 'chat' and meet me, but it's not going to happen. Finally, after a few weeks, he gives up and stops texting me. Maybe he's found another 'victim'? I don't care, I'm just happy I am not disturbed by his endless messages (some were sent in the middle of the night). The guy does have a problem!